Not exactly what the world needs right now…
If I were running for President of the United States and this was the weekend before the election….
2Nov2008 Filed under: Blather Author: BeelerIf I were running for President of the United States and this was the weekend before the election, I would be:
Popular for my energy policy which states that no one should get off the couch during football on Sundays. Less popular with the “maybe you should get off your lazy butt and mow the lawn” voters.
Considering not taxing anyone named ‘Joe’ - they seem especially sensitive about it.
Running ads saying that “old and crazy isn’t enough of a reason to keep our enemies from attacking us. If it was, my dad is older and crazier than you, John McCain!”
Feeling bittersweet about nominating Tina Fey as my Vice President. On one hand, I have the smarter VP candidate, but on the other hand, I shouldn’t have nominated someone funnier than me.
Why not elect the smarter one?
Regretting choosing The Pixies “Where is my Mind?” as my campaign song.
Ready for some football! (whoops, I meant to save that for my next post, “If I were running for President of the United States and this was the Monday before the election…”
In trouble for choosing Jessica Alba as my running mate. And my walking mate. And my smooching mate. I’d also be in trouble with Jessica Alba for not nominating her for Vice President like I promised her.
Silent on the topic of legalizing marijuana. You know, the kind of silent that tends to follow a massive bong hit before you exhale.
Bringing in the black vote based on my record, “Fear of a Black Planet” which I still own. Much like I did back when it came out, I’d play it louder whenever a black person was around just so they might think I was cool.
In trouble for using the word ’smooching’ when I know full well I meant more than smooching.
In trouble in swing states which I continually refer to as “swinger states”.
More popular in 49 states by offering to sell the state of Ohio on ebay.
Successful at confusing my opponents by announcing that I would elect Florence Ballard and Mary Wilson to The Supremes Court.
Proud of my campaign slogan, “After 8 years, what this country needs is a President”
Wondering if I should vote for myself which sounds egotistical or vote for Barrack Obama. I’ll ask Barrack what he plans to do.
So glad that no one has found the body - or even suspects with only a few days left before the election!
Popular by focusing less on the word ‘Political’ and more on the word ‘party’.
Considering raising taxes on only people who make exactly $250,000 (unless they are named Joe).
Running as the candidate from the “How You doin?” state.
Taking a nap. Definitely taking a nap.
- Tags: Election
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Beeler: Now in Blog Format. When 300 Spartans died in Gettysburg fighting against the Germans to defend my right to free speech, perhaps they should have reconsidered.
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- Rob is thinking about visiting Syracuse for my 20 year reunion this year, but looking at the schedule, I'm not sure it's worth the effort. Anyone planning to go? September 7, 2010is thinking about visiting Syracuse for my 20 year reunion this year, but looking at the schedule, I'm not sure it's worth the effort. Anyone planning to go?
- Rob asked Nate about his first day in the forth grade: "Ok. Hey Dad my Pokemon egg in my game hatched...and it's a Snorlax!" Gee, Nate, that was exactly the information I was looking for. September 4, 2010asked Nate about his first day in the forth grade: "Ok. Hey Dad my Pokemon egg in my game hatched...and it's a Snorlax!" Gee, Nate, that was exactly the information I was looking for.
- Rob seemlessly worked in a reference to both "Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice" and "Inception" into the same presentation. Sadly, I'm quite proud of that. August 31, 2010seemlessly worked in a reference to both "Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice" and "Inception" into the same presentation. Sadly, I'm quite proud of that.
- Rob Doesn't enjoy power outages like I used to. Maybe I'll go watch a movie. Oh. I guess I could work on my blog. Oh. Maybe I should microwave some popcorn. Oh.... August 30, 2010Doesn't enjoy power outages like I used to. Maybe I'll go watch a movie. Oh. I guess I could work on my blog. Oh. Maybe I should microwave some popcorn. Oh....
- Rob believes enough in my parenting skills that when the real-life T. Rex my son keeps asking for is eating him that he thinks, "Dad did say this might happen. I should have listened." August 30, 2010believes enough in my parenting skills that when the real-life T. Rex my son keeps asking for is eating him that he thinks, "Dad did say this might happen. I should have listened."
- Rob Put my Sonoma trip to use and bought some Chateau St Jean wines for our party today. August 29, 2010Put my Sonoma trip to use and bought some Chateau St Jean wines for our party today.
- Rob from my upcoming novel: "Joe knew he must do what his master had instructed him to do, but it didn't feel right. Sweeping the Pope's leg would mean certain victory. Would a trophy fill that empty spot in his soul?" August 29, 2010from my upcoming novel: "Joe knew he must do what his master had instructed him to do, but it didn't feel right. Sweeping the Pope's leg would mean certain victory. Would a trophy fill that empty spot in his soul?"
- Rob Didn't tell foursquare that I was at a bakugan tournament at Toys R Us because I don't really want a "dork swarm" badge. August 28, 2010Didn't tell foursquare that I was at a bakugan tournament at Toys R Us because I don't really want a "dork swarm" badge.
Laurad
November 5th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Well,………
What have you got to say for yourself now?
L